


Remember

by BrokenTourniquet



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: F/F, Loss of Parent(s), Post-Loss, post wedding-ish at the end of book 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 06:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4253238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenTourniquet/pseuds/BrokenTourniquet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asami lost her mother years ago, sometimes the pain is still there. Korra can at least try to understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Based on my own personal experience about loosing my mother. 
> 
> You can find me on my tumblr: http://darktonic.tumblr.com/

As soon as the words came out of Korra's mouth and she could clearly hear the defining word her smile dipped into something reminiscent of sadness "you look like her". She hadn't meant to show it that well it was just how it always naturally happened. Someone would bring up this wonderful woman she could barely remember without a picture and her smile or expression would turn into a sad smile or frown at the thoughts. The memories weren't bad, Asami never lets herself remember think of any bad ones that were stored in her mind, it was just that the thought itself was sad.

Clearly there were places her mother should be but weren't. There were places in her life where she had to fill her mother's shoes in order to survive. There were still places that felt empty no matter how many times she stepped up to the empty plate or her father did, she felt like that there would always be an empty place here or there waiting to be filled again but never being able to. People came and gone giving her short times of hope or mother figures that would give her the type of warmth she desired and needed, they wouldn't stay though. They would always leave in the end. She'd never truly understand their reasoning, but she wouldn't complain in the end. If they wanted to go then they could leave she didn't need them.

Self-sufficient is the word she learned when she got older. It felt like a weight she shouldn't have on her shoulder but did though. Learn to do this or that on your own, and while her father was there in some way shape or form he could only do so much. The rest was up to her, and with that she was forced to grow up far too fast then she should have. Robbed of her childhood some might say, but from the looks, things they'd tell her, and whispers she knew what they really thought. There wasn't much sympathy for a child without a mother in reality, it was 'you have to be grown now so act like it' instead of 'you're still a child so don't be so worried about filling shoes you can't okay?' and it hurt. It hurt more than she'd let on because eventually, you either held your head high refusing to cry in front of them all or your head hung in guilt over the things you couldn't control. She knew nothing was her fault.

The funny thing about people is as she and her father found out were, people would cement themselves in your life so much before leaving with no words or some hateful ones. You would try not to let them bother you but in the end they would leave a reminder of things said and things that were or could have been. Sometimes it'd weigh in on you, sometimes it wouldn't. Sometimes it would give you a shove you needed. People never meant what they said or at least always had a second meaning and acted like you shouldn't be upset by it.

The whispers were a close second to what hurt the most. You were told you were strong and a warrior for moving on but then the whispers you heard were that you were weird or something was wrong for you for not having that one person in your life. While people never meant for it to feel like it, they would act like it was Asami's fault she didn't have her mother, and it was draining. Eventually, she believed it. Maybe it was her fault? Maybe she could have done something more? No. It wasn't true but it was an idea driven in by acts and people, it took years for her to unlearn. Nothing about the loss was her fault. It wasn't hers. She can still remember hearing pleas of sympathy to her father, but people giving her looks as if she was bound to become something they'd never recognize. So she made sure to stay on the right path.

The thing that hurt the most wasn't the funeral, or even her father crying when she thought she was asleep, it was the memories. Memories that should be there that weren't. Memories that people would tell her about or talk about then look at her expecting her to remember it. She couldn't. For whatever reason, she couldn't remember them, and then the ones she could remember were bits and pieces here and there. Soon enough she'd just fake a smile and nod along so they wouldn't try to make her remember. It wasn't that it hurt it was just that the details they remembered that she didn't hurt..she couldn't remember and no one accepted that. Her father never talked about them after awhile, maybe a story here and there or a comparison between her and her mother but it was nothing more than that. She was somewhat thankful for that because there was no need for a facade that drained her.

Without the picture, she kept in her office and beside her bed she was sure that she might have forgotten her face. While she didn't want to remember, she didn't want to forget either. It was something most would call insane but, she never wanted to forget the face she could remember tucking her into bed at night, making dinner, and even kissing her father as scattered as they had become. She wanted to remember every detail about the face she smiled at in times of doubt, she wanted to remember her voice. It was scary at how easy it would have been without the picture right there reminding her. She kept it near almost always.

She could remember promises she'd make after nights of no sleep or her back to the wall and tears still streaming down her face as she tried to cry quietly to herself. She could remember the words she'd promise her mother on those days. She'd never give up, be the best she could, and continue moving forward even if she had to a centimeter at a time. She had kept her promise and strived to do what she could where she could. She never wanted to fall back on those promises and made sure she never did. Even when all she could do was hold her head in her hands and cry there was never a moment she let herself break those promises, and it eventually became law to her. Times when she wanted to give up but never could made her realize the ability to give up so easily had been lost years ago when she grew up teaching herself everything while her father worked away his pain in his own way.

Eventually she realized that she was more than the looks or whispers, and while they still bothered her they weren't who she was. She'd never let them be.

"You look just like her." Korra gaped as she gently picked up the picture in her hands. It was stunning to Korra how much she had never noticed it. Asami frowned and Korra's heart stopped thinking she said the wrong thing.

Her father had told her that...in fact so many that knew her father told her that. She knew that to people who knew her mother thought she was exactly like her mother. In almost everyway, to them she had become her mother. It felt like a burden at times that they were holding you up that high, that you had to be like her, but when you stopped trying you realized that from how they knew her you were a lot like her. That's how she felt about it, she had stopped trying to be everything her mother was and just be herself. She took a step back and realized that maybe she was exactly like her mother but she was still herself, and if she was like her mother than it wasn't bad. It wasn't her dishonoring her mother, it was something like and honor to know that pieces of her lived on through Asami. So she smiled and Korra felt relieved instantly.

"I got told that a lot growing up." She admitted as she turned to her bed and smiled to herself. It wasn't bad, while it had an air of sadness it was something she never saw as bad.

"They don't tell you anymore?" Korra asked as her focus returned to the photo in her hands.

"I stopped listening a long time ago essentially." She chuckled.

"Why?" Asami froze and had to think about the question. "I-I mean she was-"

"I know." She told Korra as she turned around and sat on the edge of her bed. "I just had to. There were somethings I would hear that...did more damage than good to me. It was either listen completely or listen to myself."

Korra looked at Asami as she sat the photo down and saw her look away with a foreign look on her face. It was something she knew she wouldn't understand because she hadn't felt loss like Asami had, but she could atleast try. It made her wonder how many people actually had tried to understand the loss that Asami held so bare at times, she couldn't have imagined many did from the way she spoke about it. It was saddening to think that she would be judged about loosing her mother, something she could never have helped but she knew all too well the world was full of people who would do just that. She couldn't imagine what it was like growing up like that...and she didn't want to. She did want to understand it for Asami's sake but she wouldn't push her into it or force her to speak about something that she couldn't. The look on Asami's face wasn't a smile, it was almost a frown and the look of nostalgia almost painful across her face.

"You know, they were all idiots anyways." She sat down next to Asami causing Asami to look up at her and give a small smile taking her hand. "Your mother maybe beautiful but I have to say that you're still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." She smiled. It was contagious enough to make Asami smile at her and chuckle.

"Really now?" Korra nodded happily as Asami intertwined their fingers. "Charmer."

"Oh I try, to charm you anyways. I'm happy to see it's working."

"You had me 'training'." Asami teased and kissed her cheek. Korra's cheeks blushed ever so slightly but her smile told Asami she was proud. Asami could only laugh at the proud toothy grin and lay her forhead on Korra's shoulder shaking her head. What had she gotten herself into? Something fanstastic she was sure.

In the silent moments that they sat there and Asami rested her cheek on the bare shoulder, she was almost happy at the thought of something her mother might say. She'd never know for certain but she could imagine the eyes on both of them and a simple blessing given to Korra as Korra would blush deeply and thank her but tell her that'd have to wait awhile because she wasn't sure that she wanted to move so soon. Her mother might have said for future reference then and envelop them in a soft embrace. Maybe even kiss both of their cheeks happily before walking away. The thought made her hand tighten around Korra's. Her throat hurt as a lump formed.

She'd never really know what her mother thought about how she had done in the world up until this point, and she'd never really know if Korra and her mother would get along. It was just something she thought should have happened but never could because of the circumstances. She wasn't sure if it the fact there were things that should have happened but didn't or the fact that she wanted so desperately to know that made the lum form in her throat. Maybe it was both and so much more, they say time heals wounds but she felt like to an extent it did. After that it just became...easier but never healed completely. It was a sad way to think to some but it was what she had experienced. She had moved on and she would continue to do so with Korra by her side but she couldn't help but want to know what it would be like to move on with her mother as well, for her mother to tell her everything she didn't know and didn't discover herself.

"Asami?" She lifted her head and found blue eyes staring at her in concern. "Are you okay?" She nodded and tried to wipe away the tears she didn't know were there, Korra however wiped away a few with her thumb and smiled looking into her green eyes.

Asami wanted to say something, more than likely reassure her but she didn't trust whatever would come out of her mouth to give away that she was sad. She was scared. She was a lot but didn't want Korra to worry. Korra however leaned forward and brushed her lips against Asami's before telling her okay and kissing her. It wasn't something that shocked Asami, it was the power of concern and depth of everything Korra felt that was placed into the kiss that shock her. She fell into it and pulled Korra as close as possible, but if love had a taste she was sure she tasted it. She felt it, and she was sure that that wasn't the last time.

For a moment she could almost feel a foreign but familiar smile in the room, and she smiled at Korra as they pulled apart. It was her mother smiling on them? She wasn't sure. But it was good sign. Korra rose her eyebrows a couple of times and she chuckled as Korra placed a kiss to her forehead as she got up.

"I for one am tired of wearing a dress considering the wedding is over, you?" Asami rolled her eyes playfully but stood up. Asami chuckled and watched her fumble around for a pair of clothes that were more comfortable to do the things she did in.

"Korra?" Korra's eyes darted to Asami as she stopped looking in a bag. "I think my mother would have approved of you." Korra smiled softly and proudly at the statement.

"I believe she would, her daughter is one of the most amazing people I've met." She pushed the bag aside for a moment. "You know something? I'd like to hear about her whenever you're ready, I mean you've only said so much about her but I want to know about the people important to you. Past and present." Asami's heart swelled at the declaration. It was the first time anyone had actually said something like that. Most wanted to know when she died, never who she was. Korra was full of surprises, all were amazing. She could only nod at Korra and watch her silently. She was happy.

She wasn't alone this time, maybe she can make it through the loss of her father with someone this time.


End file.
